When I got pregnant, I swore that I would never think the thought, I’m a bad mom. The mom shaming trend drives me nuts.
In reality, I struggle with this thought A LOT. And the fear of being a bad mom triggers a whole lot of crazy behavior in me.
Here are some of the thoughts that happen for me, and how I try to let go of them so I can be less of a crazy person:
- Because I work, I need to spend every minute of my nights and weekends with my son.
Reality: I’m an introvert. I need a lot of down time to process the week, unwind, and relax. If I give in to this thought and don’t take any alone time on the weekend, I end up feeling stressed, overwhelmed, and cranky. I then have less patience and am less fun. The solution: if I take two hours to myself and get a pedicure, do yoga, go to Starbucks alone and read, or whatever, I am a way better mom than if I don’t take that time.
- Other moms can do it all [work full-time; survive their partner’s business trips; cook delicious meals from scratch instead of ordering takeout, again], no sweat. Why are you being such a wimp?
Reality: I have no idea what other moms can and can’t do. What I see on Facebook is obviously not the whole story, and even if it was, it actually doesn’t matter what the other moms can do. It only matters what I can do. For example: I need help when Simeon is away, so I’m going to see my parents the first weekend of his trip and I’m going to ask his parents to come up for dinner one night during the week. And I reserve the right to hire a babysitter one night if I need a break.
- Obsessing over Elijah makes me a good mom. [Obsessing can take any form: over-researching minor things online, over-spending on his books or toys or clothes, obsessing over the fact that kids younger than Elijah are already walking and he’s not.]
Reality: I already am a good mom. Full stop. Also, taking good care of Elijah is my goal, and obsessing is not good for him or for me.
Here’s another thing I realized: I’m pretty sure Simeon never thinks the thought, I’m a bad dad. I could be wrong, but I don’t think our culture shames dads in the same way that it shames moms. So, I’m going to stop twisting myself into knots over whether or not I’m being a good mom and just love my kid. That’s all it boils down to, anyway.I’m always learning these lessons. If you’re interested in learning along with me, I am teaching a 4-week online course with my friend Caroline during the month of July – Protect Your Energy: Stop Draining and Start Living. We’ll teach you a very similar process to what I talked through above – we’ll take the thoughts that are holding you back from the life you want (“I’m a bad mom”; “I’m too busy”; “I’m so tired”) and help you change your thoughts so you can change your life.
Just for signing up, you’ll receive these FREE bonuses:
- A FREE 30-minute private coaching session with me. We’ll pick an area of you life where you feel overwhelmed or dissatisfied and do some targeted thought work to help you shift your perspective.
- A FREE recording of our webinar, How to Be Less Busy Without Quitting Anything
Not sure whether the course is right for you? Sign up for our office hours on Wednesday, July 5 at 8:00 PM.
July 3, 2017